Yak House

yakkity yak, yak talks back

2005-12-19T02:19:00.000-08:00

ok dear friends and not friends and just plain old people that are nice enough to comment on any of my posts - i just wanted to let everybody know that from know on i will do everything i can to respond to your comments. it might take a little while but i will always do it before i move on to another post. if you are an asshole and leave a bad really mean comment then maybe not but i have not had the misfortune of this happening yet.

yaktanic

2005-12-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

i have been away for awhile and have promised stories of where i have been. here is the first in what is sure to be at least two stories of what has kept me away from all your blogs.

it started out quite by accident. me and a buddy named dante were playing poker with a couple of dim witted swedes. i know that not all swedes are dim witted but these two sure were. the stakes of the last hand were getting pretty high and the swedes didn’t have anymore cash so they threw in two tickets for a cruise that they had one at their office ‘holiday’ party. i thought that i could use a little vacation so me and my pair of jacks said ok. i won. pair of jacks won, i told you those swedes were dumb.

dante was gathering the loot while i was looking at the cruise tickets we had won. turns out we had just 12 hours to get to new york to catch that damn boat. my car isn’t working so we had to hop into dante’s 1982 dodge aries and headed off to new york. our ride their could be a whole story in itself but screw that, this story is about the boat.

we got to the boat and it was a thing of beauty. i guess one of the biggest cruise liners ever built. i don’t know dick about boats but the thing was floating and there was alcohol and women in bikinis onboard so you know i was down with that. dante and i got onboard but the ‘holiday’ tickets were cheap ass and our cabin was not real desirable. i would describe it as being in the armpit of the boat but in reality it was more like in the sweaty cup of the jockstrap of the boat.
i am here to tell you that classism is alive and well today folks. people kind of looked at us funny just because we had cheap as tickets and didn’t have any spending cash and nice clothes. i didn’t think that you needed any onboard cruises but I was wrong, you do need to have clothes when you are on a cruise unless it’s one of those naturalist ones, go figure. the boat had a store onboard so i went off to get something to wear.

when i got out of the shop i bumped into this incredibly gorgeous women. she had long brown hair and wasn’t so damn skinny that all you wanted to do was make here eat ho-ho’s. i could tell that she was really an upperclass type by the really expensive brazilian cut bikini she had on. she smelled of lilac, i don’t know why and never did find out. she had a print out of mentok the mind-taker’s blog and a piece of pumpkin pie so i knew this woman had her stuff together.

like i said i bumped into her when i was coming out of the shop. i bumped into her so hard i knocked her lovely behind rite over the railing. the first thing i thought was, " somebody had to save that beautiful pumpkin pie." i leapt into action and dove for the railing. it was to late to save the pie but the girl was hanging on for dear life. i grabbed her hand and pulled her aboard impressing her with my bearlike yak muscles. she looked into my eyes as i’m sure she was about to kick me in the junk for knocking her over the railing but as soon as she saw my blue eyes she fell in love. i say love but i’m sure it was lust, it usually takes a woman about 15 minutes talking to me before she is seduced into falling in love with my charming self.

we went for a walk around the ship. we talked for hours enjoying the sun and counting the lifeboats (three for the curious). her name was winslet and she was engaged to some pompous wealthy bastard that she didn’t like but she was into all his money so she thought she would just marry him anyway. messing around with women who are spoken for is not normally how i roll but something about her made me say who cares how i roll, i’m getting a little something-something from this babe. i think it was her naughty bits. i’m not saying, i’m just saying.

over the next day we did a bunch of lovey-dovey crap that i won’t bore you with. i romanced her, what can i say i’m a big softy. i would never just hook-up and rub ugly’s with a woman without making her feel special, even if she was just after me because i’m hot. i had to avoid her fiancé because he was a real tool, that and he didn’t want me stealing his woman. he even had his bodyguard threaten me but threatening a yak is like pissing into the wind, it’s just not a smart thing to do.

on the next day winslet took me back to her cabin while her fiance was off getting his back waxed. she showed me all the expensive crap that they had there in there cabin. let’s just say it was a lot nicer than the dump i was in. she was totally into art, they had art all over the room. real expensive stuff to not like the stuff hanging in my house. the ‘art I have hanging in my house is all old signing from my work that i take home instead of letting them throw it out.

while we were looking at her paintings she told me that she was a bit of an artist herself and wanted to draw me naked. i have used this line so many times myself and i know that what she really wanted was to see my willy. i am not one to disappoint so i took off my clothes while she got out her charcoal and paper. i laid down on the couch and she sat down to draw me. it was the single most erotic thing i have ever down. yeah right, but it was cool. she finished and showed me her work, it wasn’t bad but then again i was her subject. after that we made love. i am a gentleman and gentlemen don’t kiss and tell so if you want me to tell you about the love making now, you are in for some disappointment. you’ll have to read it in next month’s "penthouse letters" just like everybody else.

when we were done making whoopie we got dressed and headed to get something to eat. she wasn’t hungry as i satisfied her totally. yak’s are known for our lovemaking ability and i am way beyond the average yak in that department, but i had worked up a bit of an appetite. we bumped into winslet’s fiance on the way and i told him she was with me. he took it hard but didn’t want to piss me off. he wasn’t so tough without his bodyguard. we went to the dinning room and i was just about to take a bite of my pumpkin pie when we felt a huge bump. it turns out that the dumbass captain had hit an iceberg. what a fucking moron.

i grabbed winslet and we ran to try to get aboard one of the three lifeboats we had counted. there were over 2000 people on board the ship and no way were they all going to fit into just three lifeboats. it turns out that there were in actuality more lifeboats than i had counted, yaks are known for our lovemaking not our ability to count. it turns out that there were 8 lifeboats but that still wasn’t going to be enough. i don’t know what the hell the person who designed this ship was thinking, I guess he had never heard of the titanic or something. we were waiting to get winslet onboard a lifeboat when her fiance showed up with his bodyguard.

it turns out that he wasn’t mad about me stealing his woman but was pretty pissed about the ‘wet spot’ we had made on his 500,000 dollar couch. i guess it was apohlstered in whale foreskin and stains pretty easy. these guys were just plain old not smart. i mean the damn ship was sinking and all this jackass and his damn bodyguard could think of was getting a little payback for staining a couch. i kicked both their assess, it wasn’t hard as i have been trained as a ninja. i did let myself get caught up in the heat of the moment and toyed with them a bit. i took to long to dispatch them and because of that the lifeboats were now full and on their way.

winslet and i went to the back of the ship as it was sinking. we held onto the railing as the boat went ass up as it was filling up with water. we must have waited forever but eventually the boat plunged under the water and now winslet and i were treading for our lives. i found a table to get winslet up out of the water so she wouldn’t freeze to death. there wasn’t enough room for both of us though, it looked like only one of us was going to make it out of this alive. she told me that i was the best lover she had ever had and that she would never forget me. this got me thinking. i have lived my whole life by a strict code, so i knocked her off the table, got on myself and paddled away. wondering what that code is? the code is, "it’s all about me".

if this post was to long and would prefer i put posts like this up in parts let me know.

if you were wondering what happened to dante, all i have to say is this is my story not his. screw him.

yak is not back

2005-12-05T12:44:00.000-08:00

ok i have been away for awhile and it looks like it will be a little longer yet. i miss all of the people i have been having such a good time with. when i come back i will have many stories to tell. untill then i hope your socks are dry and you have plenty of pumpkin pie.

who is your worst critic

2005-11-20T07:25:00.000-08:00

where has the time gone. there is a perfectly good reason that it has been so long since i have posted. that story will follow shortly but i would like to type about my worst critic.

i am my own worst critic. there is nothing earth shattering about this statement. i know this. i have gone all my life thinking that i'm not to different than anybody else. sure i'm better looking, more talented, and generally more charming than most people but otherwise i'm just like everybody else. naturaly since i assume that i am like everybody else and that i am my own worst critic i assume that everybody is their own worst critic.

more often than not i look back on things that i have done or created and think that it's not good enough. i feel like i should have done better, not that i could have but that i should have. it may sound funny but these feelings have never kept me from enjoying any of these endeavors. i like to draw, when i get done i think, "hmmm that is a purrty picture.....i should have done better." my writing for this blog and comments on all of your blogs are the same. i do know that if i wasn't so damn lazy or if i had more time that my writing would be better. hell if i just figured out how to work the spell check i wouldn't come across as a seven year old. maybe some people think that is my charm and maybe it is.

this brings me to the flaw of my belief. i was thinking about criticism and self criticism after reading a recent post on fritz's blog. i was thinking that she was being way to hard on herself about her looks. i again was thinking she's being here worst critic, i am my worst critic, once again i'm right. then it struck me. i've seen some art that i think sucks. i'm sure that the artist might have thought that he could have done better but if he thought it sucked as bad as i did why would he display it. i've seen people wearing clothes that i think make them look goofy. oh my god, i wear clothes that i'm sure some people think make me look goofy. this lead me to think i'm not always my own worst critic... i'm not always my own worst critic.....i'm not always my own worst critic.

so for all of you in this world that are harder on me than i am, i have only one thing to say to you. go fuck yourselves. i do mean that in the nicest possible way.

fk the fking f**kers

2005-11-09T16:14:00.000-08:00

those that know me, know that i don't mind swearing. it doesn't bother me to hear it (usually) and god knows i do it. i do try to keep it to a minimum. i try not to do it around the genral public. i try not to do it infront of children (i'm very good at this). i do it at work but again try not to just walk around sputtering curses. if i'm at work and talking to friends i will and unfortunately sometimes people might over hear. if somebody is offended most of the time i am very sorry for upsetting them (again mostly).

i don't think some people should be as upset by swearing as they are and i don't think some people should be so nonchalant about it. i mean if a person hears somebody say shit or maybe one song lyric is fuck, i don't believe that it should be viewed as outrageous. of course if sombody is using fuck every other word than that seems a little to extreme. (once at work a long time ago when i was much younger and before i was in a supervisory position i used the word fuck at least once in every sentance that i spoke over the course of one night. proof that younger we are the less we know.)

why am i talking about this? i have decided that the more tired i am the more willing i am to spout of a few curse words. yes the more fucking tired i am the more likely i will be willing to swear.

it may be a fucking problem. (note: yaks are not know for our 'fucking' problems, we are known for our 'fucking' solutions ..... well really just for our 'fucking')

does anybody else get a little crazy, loose, or vulgar when the get sleepy? it's kinda like being drunk.

part time lover

2005-11-01T08:44:00.000-08:00

i haven't had a lot of time to write and have even missed a few days of reading other blogs. i have been thinking about things to write about. one of my posts was going to be about what superhero would be best in bed. i thought about this for awhile and decided that any superhero with telepathy would be good canidates. others i thought would be good would be plasticman, reed richards (mr. fantastic), or elastigirl. just imagine the postions and spots they could reach. my friend danius sugested the flash for a jackhammer type session but i'm not sure how the ladies (or men i guess) feel about something like that.
well while i was thinking about this a certin somebody (intials are-spinning girl) wrote on her blog about a "tingly" feeling a certin dog/dragon named falcor (from the neverending story) gets her. now i'm not saying mythilogical beastiality is kinky, i'm just saying. this started me thinking what fictional charter would be best to bump uglies with.
i'm sort of a geek so one of my first thoughts was captain kirk was quite the ladies man, maybe he new some sort of venus butterfly futuristic bedroom moves. star trek naturally led me to star wars. yoda could have been a wicked lover but being a jedi would keep him from practicing. i guess that leaves anikan. yes before he got his man tool burned up in the lava he was more than likely superfly between the sheets. all the powers of a jedi and not affraid to use them for pleasure. chewie i'm sure had the doggie postion down pat if your into that one (ladies you know you like it.)
well as usual i'm running out of time and have to head to the grocery store. so i'll have to continue to think about this one awhile longer. please feel free to offer any of your suggestions (my favorite part of blogging are the comments.)

oh yeah one last thing. harry yak is not a fiction character. i'm real. and yes when i say real i mean real good ;)

more music

2005-10-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

i love "good" music. i know most of you are thinking "i wonder what yak means be 'good' music." or maybe "i wonder what harry means by 'good' music" yet still others might be thinking "this guy is a *insert explitive*." the idea that you might be thinking something other than one of the three comments that i have listed is to much for my yak brain to fathom.
back to the "good" music bit. for me "good" music is any music (genre doesn't matter) that makes me feel anything besides this music sucks llama butt. i generaly prefer upbeat songs rather than ballads. classic rock seems to be my favorite but i really dig kings of leon and franz ferdinand. my point is it doesn't matter what kind of music it is just make me feel something. sad, happy, moovity (thats my new word meaning feeling like you want to move), angry, confused, smart, stupid, hungry it doesn't matter.
anyway along with loving "good" music, i am in love with musics's mistress the playlist. i love making lists and burning cd's ( i have done a lot of this for work) i tend to put together seeming odd mixes but they usually work (at least for me). what i want to do is throw out a theme every once in awhile and get everybodies thoughts on what kind of playlist the would put together. or even just a song to contribute to the playlist. so....

the theme of the first what would your playlist look like is: songs that make you sing out loud.
(yes i stole this idea from sombody and in my tired stupor i can not remember who. so to "who" it is i am stealing i am truel deeply sorry for not giving you the props you deserve.)

so ok here is my list for songs that make me want to sing outloud. (this may be an odd list).
1. allison krauss - let me touch you for awhile (love her voice and it's a sweet naughty song)
2. aretha franklin - respect (channeling a little rodney here)
3. averil lavigne - skater boy (that will teach you ballet girl)
4. cheap trick - i want you to want me (doesn't get much better than this)
5. destiny's child - bootylicious (my theme song)
6. donnas - take it off ("stop staring at my d-cup" gotta love them boobie references)
7. kinks - picture book (thanks hp for bringing this song some attention)
8. jet - cold hard bitch (i need another jet album)
9. john lennon - beautiful boy(this song can make me weep like a little baby yak)
10. ramones - rock n roll high school (good movie *tongue firmly planted in cheek*)
11. sawyer brown - some girls do (and god bless them for it)
12. violent femmes - american music(maybe my favorite music of course there is always the uk)
13. beyonce - naughty girl (sometimes we all feel like a naughty girl)

ok after looking at this list i have noticed that this list could change drasticly in a matter of a few hours but all of those songs make me want to sing outloud. what do you guys think.

2 woots for the danius maximus

2005-10-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

just wanted to send a big thanks to good old danius maximus for pulling the yaks butt out of the fire tonight at work. danius you are a man among men.

woot woot

new post coming from me later today if fortune smiles on me and replies to the latest comments as well. the yak (yes i'm referrering to myself in the third person.) has been busier than a one legged man in a butt kicking contest.

you must have one.

2005-10-12T17:20:00.000-07:00

this is an important issue. there is something everybody should really have. it doesn't matter if you are famous or not. it doesn't matter if you are rich or poor. it doesn't matter if you are a human, yak, or monkey. what am i talking about?

a theme song.

somebody wrote a song for monkey and monkey said, "i im ever famous, this is going to be my theme song." to that i say pishaw! if that is what you want to be your theme song than that is truely what your theme song is.

my theme song has been bootylicious by destiny's child. this is the song i have playing in my head whenever i enter a room, when i wake up in the morning, when i put on my socks, or when i eat a slice of pumpkin pie. to me it doesn't matter much that it's written from a woman's perspective (hey i'm cool with the yak i am) i have never been to big on changing lyrics based on gender. i feel if it's that big a deal don't sing/use the song.

the song that i imagine when i go to bed everynight, when work gets over and i'm on my way home, or when i need to take my socks off? thats easy it's whorehoppin by the eagles of death metal. if you haven't heard this song you should.

misery starring monkey

2005-10-08T19:35:00.000-07:00

ok i'm so sorry for the long absence. i asure you that my truancy was no fault of my own. let me tell you the brief story.
i was having a good day. i woke up, had breakfest, went to spinning girls and watched her through her windows. i then followed her to work, collected any garbage that she discarded and stuck it in my bag so i could ad it to the shrine i am building. followed her home, started peeking in the windows again (it's true that she puts on her pajamas as soon as she gets into her place.) then wham! it happened.
i kick myself looking back on it now, i mean i have had years of secret yak ninja training and still i let it happen. i felt a pressence behind me. even before my cat-like yak reflexes and the experience afforded to me working as an assassin for 10 years could kick in i felt the unmistakable zap from a tiny stun gun.
when i woke up this is what i saw......

yes i was drugged and groggy but i think most of us know who did this to me.

i'll save the story of how i escaped for a different time but escape i did. now that i'm back i should be able to resume my normal blog activities. thanks again for all of you that visit. i'm off to prowl your blogs right now.

i may be crazy

2005-09-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

i have heard that the definition of "insanity" (this word is no longer in scientific use) is to keep doing something the exact same way but expecting different results. i don't think that makes a person insane, it makes them stupid.

i almost always save my favorite things for last. for instance you can always tell what part of a meal i like best because it will be the last item of food on my plate. when i rent movies i watch them in order of which one i think i will like least to the one i think i will like most. hell i have even arranged the order of the blogs a read by which ones i like best.

i'm not saying this makes me crazy, i'm just saying.

so, am i alone in this kind of mindless compulsion? what do you guys do that might get you thrown in the looney bin. ( i guess "looney bin" is no longer in scientific use either)

* i did not intend to offend any crazy people with this post. if you are crazy, offended, or crazy & offended please click here

what does a thinking cap look like?

2005-09-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

so far this blog thing is pretty neato.

i have descovered a problem though. after rereading my first post i have decided that i am a very poor writter. i was going to blame this on the fact that it was very late when i wrote that post (much like it is now) but that wouldn't be telling the truth. i guess i should work on this problem.

it was then i thought that i should " put on my thinking cap" and figure out how i am going to become a better writer. well this naturally led me to start thinking about the old thinking cap itself. what does a thinking cap actually look like? i think that i'll go to the mall of america tomorrow and see if i can't find one. they say you can find anything at that place.

maybe spinning girl can teach me how to write better.

thanks to the big o for teaching me how to link. now if you could only help me figure out how to get the milk and cookies into the comment room, people are waiting!

good or evil?

2005-09-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

everbody knows that llamas are evil and that yaks are good but i would like to pose the age old question.

are humans inherently good, evil, or neither?

i ponder this occasionally and have changed my mind several times. i have met a lot of interesting people blogging and i'm very curious to hear what you have to say.

as soon as i figure out how, there will be milk and cookies in the commenting booth.

this is my story and intentions

2005-09-18T21:43:00.000-07:00

ok here i go. story first.

i know a couple of guys from work that said i should check out their blogs. i like the guys and i had heard a little about blogging on tv so i thought what the heck. i thought their blogs were funny and was kind of drawn to the comment section. i love hearing what others had to say about the posts just read. still i didn't sign up for an account because really i don't get to spend a lot of time on the computer and didn't think that i would keep reading.

when i went to work the next night i talked to my friends about their blogs and the people that had made comments. two people that had made comments had caught my eye right away, more about them later. they told me how much fun it was and how much they enjoyed the people that they interacted with through their blogs.

well the next day i went home and found a little time and read their blogs again. i went to work the next night and talked again. this happened for about a week or more and soon i was reading several blogs. i still hadn't signed up for an blogger acount so i would have my friends relay things i wanted to say to people. when i finally signed up for a name so i could comment on posts i found that blogger had given me my own personal blog.

that very first day i was drawn to two people right away. i don't know why but the whole avatar thing is very important to me and the first person i was drawn to was do to her avatar. when i first saw it i laughed out loud. it brings a smile to my face to this day and i'm sure it will till the day i can no longer see. the second person's avatar attracted me too but it was her blog that got me hooked. this woman oozes electronic charisma, and i'm sure that it is only a matter of time before all will flock to her.

since then i have found many many blogs that i check nearly every day. i am not joking about not having much time to spend on the computer and i find myself using most of it reading and commenting on blogs.

so thats how i got into this thing.

now here are some things you need to know if you are going to read my blog.

1. i am a total noob to this blog thing and i'm still learning stuff. i love to learn new things and will get better at this.

2. i don't spell well and don't proof read very often. i don't have spell check figured out (see 1.) so there are going to be many misspelled.

3. gammar isn't a strong suit either (english is tough for yaks)

4. i hope to publish something atleast 3 times a week but make no promises.

5. my posts may be comical in nature or serious. i suposse it depends on my mood.

6. i may add things to this list at anytime.

ok thats enough for now. my hooves ar sore from mashing the keyboards so much. (that's correct, i said keyboards. hooves are hard on keyboards, especially when you are mashing said keyboards)

one last thing, in case you were wondering who the four people responsible for turning me lose on you people here are links to their blogs. in order mentioned.

http://blogtagon.blogspot.com/

http://pantspooper.blogspot.com/

http://tennchikatheart.blogspot.com/

http://elevenpointfive.blogspot.com/